Let me be clear


I was trying to explain that leaving an alcoholic husband or partner doesn’t mean you don’t love the person you’re leaving. It’s possible and sometimes more practical to love someone from a distance. There comes a time when the non-alcoholic must consider their own survival and express unconditional love for oneself.

There are many practical reasons why non-alcoholic’s stay with the alcoholic. There may be economic considerations or simply the fact that the alcoholic has reached a point of no return on being able to take care of his or her own needs. Maybe the vows you took in becoming a wedded couple are the tie that binds you. Maybe you’re hoping there will be a change.

It doesn’t matter why you stay. It doesn’t matter what your reasons are for going. What matters is that you put yourself as top priority in your life.

I have loved a man unconditionally and have promised to never abandon him. But there comes a point in time when that knowledge may lead the loved one to taking unconditional love for granted. Limits may get pushed. Arguments may take place and hurtful words exchanged. And that’s WITHOUT the influence of alcohol.

When alcohol is involved everything is multiplied by at least three. The hurts are deeper; the indiscretions are less discreet; the consequences are more consequential. The one loving unconditionally must ask the hard question about how much unconditional love can be tolerated before reaching the breaking point. At what point is there nothing left to give?

This is the question that only the unconditional lover can answer. Everyone’s breaking point is different and everyone handles different situations in their own unique way.

For me – I get tired of doing all the forgiving and receiving no forgiveness in return. I have a high tolerance level. But don’t take that to mean that I won’t walk away. Sometimes I don’t walk – I run.

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