sutton041

About ten years ago I had a heart attack brought on by stress. These are the steps I used to help myself heal: 1. I made a list of the things causing me stress. 2. Every time I got upset or angry over a specific situation, I wrote it down and included it in my list. 3. I examined each item on my list and categorized it as: a) something that can be resolved via an action by me; b) something over which I had no control; c) something that time will resolve. 4. The items that were the things that could be resolved by taking action were categorized by the least stressing to the most stressing. 5.  I worked on resolving one issue at a time. I started with the one that required the littlest effort and went from there. This list is never-ending. There will always be something that gets added on with resolutions that require time, money or emotional expense. 6. The stresses over which I have no control, I pushed aside thinking I would come back to them after I had dealt with all the more pr...

There’s a big change going on out here in Rileyville. Good changes are knocking at my front door. I was informed that I would have an aide for at least 30 hours a week and respite time. Evidently the Medicaid application was approved however I wasn’t notified until yesterday. Sounds like heaven to me! After eight years of taking care of Riley, I will finally turn him over to someone else and have some time to myself. I have always said that in spite of what’s going on in my life, I am happy. Today I feel excited about having the opportunity to take my life back. I am happier today that I have been in a very long time. This weekend I am moving my office upstairs where I will not be able to hear whatever is going on with Riley. I’ll get a baby monitor so I can talk to the aide but it will not be in Riley’s room. I’m anxious to see how this is all going to work out. There’ve been a lot of changes in my life lately, but isn’t that how life is? Without change we cannot grow. I recently re-c...

Fear can be a good thing. It prevents us from putting our hands into an open flame. It makes us think twice before acting on something that may be dangerous. It’s that little voice in our head telling us to turn left or right or to not turn at all. I believe there is a “fear scale”. At one end is the mild feeling of apprehension – like crossing a busy street. At the other end if full blown paranoia – like believing the boogey man is hiding in the closet. Too little fear can be just as dangerous as too much. As the wife of an alcoholic, I can tell you that I have many fears that range all up and down the fear scale. Here is a sampling. The fear that my husband will make a miraculous recovery and go back to drinking; The fear that he will make the same recovery and not go back to drinking; The fear that he will die a painful death; The fear that he will never die; The fear that I will die before him; The fear that I will never have a sane, happy, loving man in my life; The fear that I wi...

For more than 20 years I longed to have my husband stop his alcohol abuse, but he never managed to find a way to love sobriety. Too many times the family gathered by his bedside and held a death watch expecting him to expire within minutes. He always survived. In 2012 he had a major heart attack that would have stopped life for most normal people. But, then, he is not normal. After weeks of watching him go downhill, he finally started recovering. He made it through although his life would change greatly because he would not be able to obtain alcohol. Finally, I had my wish. I had a sober husband and I expected things to change for the better. Be careful what you wish for. He was home and he was sober. He also had brain atrophy which left him with a form of dementia. He was able to walk, feed, dress and care for himself. He could not hold long conversations. Clearly, he was miserable with this new lifestyle. Still… I did not buy alcohol for him. He has gone on a slow descent ever since ...